1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
