I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
