Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
