you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
