I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
