i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
