He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
