so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
