Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
