Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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