she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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