Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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