it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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