clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
God, I missed his penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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