I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
