All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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