I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
