You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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