I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My penis needs a shock collar
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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