a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
