Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
