i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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