dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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