I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
