I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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