Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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