So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
