I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
