Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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