So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
