I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
