Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
