we have officially lost it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
