I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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