He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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