it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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