yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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