i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
