I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm always down for nudity.
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