I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
