I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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