it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
