a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
