Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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