Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
