I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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