i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
