Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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