That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
