You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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