i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
