I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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