a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
