This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
