paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
