I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
