I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
