Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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